My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
