if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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