drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am one with the molecules
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
