i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
