Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
