can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
