did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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