Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
do herpes really smell.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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