if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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