There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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