I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
