I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
