He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I looked at my own cervix.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
