Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
