ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
