I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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