I am spending my child support on dildos
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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