im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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