I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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