Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
