Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
