Someone shit on the floor
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
