TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
