she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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