I accidentally burped into my bong.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
