Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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