i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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