do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
