I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
