wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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