I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
