Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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