Got a toothbrush?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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