i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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