Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
