Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
