And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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