I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
