u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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