things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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