every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
