just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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