you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
