It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
