also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
