is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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