Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
