Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
