Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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