Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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