He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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