I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
