I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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